… if you only knew what you wanted.
Do you know what you want? When is the last time you sat in a quiet space and made lists of the top 50 or top 100 having’s, being’s or doing’s that you want? What if you found a way to track your wants over a day; adding to your list each time you saw something you wanted or experienced something you clearly didn’t want and wrote down the inverse (such as, I don’t like big bellies except on whales, therefore what I might want is a flat stomach with hard abs)?
You might learn something interesting. You might start to feel pretty defensive because “wanting” isn’t as highly prized in our culture as “giving,” (it is better to give than receive). More than a few of us have been labeled or at least accused of being “selfish,” as if that’s a bad thing, rather than the most normal expression of who we are.
The art and science of Life Management or Life Coaching asks the key question, “What life could you have that would be ten times the best you can now imagine?”
The answers don’t always come instantaneously. Sometimes it takes a second or two, or even a little longer. The more attuned we are to that part of each of us that tells us clearly what we don’t want and what we do, the faster and louder we can answer the question.
Many people initially come to me for Life Management help to rebuild the trust with that part of them that really does know what they want – what they want for a legacy, what they want for career, what they want in a partner, what would make them happy, what it will take for them to like their body, where they want to live, what they need to be able to let go of something or someone, or even how to put words to what’s nagging them and wanting attention.
Wanting, having, and enjoying to the max is one of the biggest and most surprising problems in our culture. I have spent a small fortune (maybe not so small) on stuff that I thought I wanted, and that I thought would bring joy or at least satisfaction, only to find a fleeting distraction. It was like eating a page from a food magazine trying to get full.
In my situation and stage of life, what I connect to expressing and experiencing my happiness may not be anything like yours, and I’m not the least bit interested in selling you on my list. I am devoted, however, to playing a key role in you discovering and valuing who in you knows yours.
Tomorrow, I’d like to suggest a couple of things we can learn from kids and older adults about knowing what we want. Please come back.